A Middle Way
I’m finding myself filled lately with a host of meandering but interconnected or overlapping feelings and thoughts. It struck me as quite humorous ( and for no particular reason) this evening that my blog roll expands another link or two, each time I sign in. The order is simply alphabetic; certainly some form of categorization would better organize it. But to do that, wouldn’t it (and I) have to have a more definitive purpose?
Blogging, as a journal, represents an effort to attempt a reasonably honest self-reflection, in both the significant and the mundane. If, as a journal, it is really to reflect back an occasional, useful insight, then I don’t necessarily get to choose the insights it reflects, especially for myself. Rather I have to uncover them, if they exist at all.
The choice still always exists for directing what I write about. Putting up the previous post left me thinking quite a bit about why I felt such urgency of emotional connection to an event that will never more than marginally affect me. I’m as comfortable now as I am likely to expect to be, with my own gender identification and the options I have already for its expression.
My present age, the particulars of my personal health, and the crossing legal complexities of dual continent residency/citizenship present limitations that might even prove beneficial in limiting any personal impact of the APA announcement even further. I’ve noted (I think) elsewhere, that I accept the limitation of possibilities as a kind of creative path in themselves. But, at least in terms of this emotional connection, the desire to be anarchistic, as an expression of creativity plays no part in my emotional response.
I do not especially want to be an activist at this stage in my life. Having grown up actively as a hippie, I expected the assumed inexhaustible energy of inspired youth to be the only necessity for achieving change. I learned to the contrary, through a number of experiences. With present hindsight, I see that energy as often misguided, misdirected, and misused. Sometimes even deliberately manipulated and abused, even by myself, as an accessory to the agendas of others.
I have little of the excited passion, hopeful anticipation, or sustained rebellious anger that I had 35+ years ago. Too much energy in activism, then and now, can be simply eaten up by malicious, vindictive infighting serving individual ego and persona that have no connection to commonality of stated purpose. The obsession for endlessly debating the semantics of defining labels of identity in trans politics certainly has zero politically viable potential.
There is however, an air of utter contemptuousness, both intellectual and ethical, that offends both intelligence and conscience in the APA announced appointment of two outrageously self-promoting, extremely biased individuals with controversial and questionable scientific credentials to a work group that is responsible for developing professional guidelines for the diagnosis and treatment of gender conditions. Conditions for which, they personally advocate, suppression as an actual preferred method of treatment. Neither accepts gender variance itself as manifestations of distinct psychological or medical disorders. Instead they are categorized as either an unacknowledged homosexual pathology or compulsive and self-obsessive sexual addiction.
My activist impulses now are generally confined to and satisfied by, the unending task of sorting out and changing of my personal contributions to existing social and environmental problems. The political viability is limited, but to a more accessible certainty, of one me less, one me more. My ability to be proactive is not conditional to the necessity of a specific validating label. There can be strength in numbers, if the numbers actually signify a meaningful collective. Harmony perhaps, not cacophony or echoes.
My emotional engagement through offense to my intellect or conscience is selfish and egotistical. Perhaps its just guilt that makes me feel I don’t want my own experience to be solely for my own gratification. I do know I haven’t arrived at this point of feeling “comfortable” with my gender on my own. I found this comfort also because of the efforts of many known and unknown others: Surprised by it from anticipated enemies, assured of it from long accepting friends. My present comfort is a benefit collectively bestowed, a privileged I have been enabled to enjoy.
It should really be everyone’s inherent right instead.
Maybe that’s a good enough reason to want to kick someones ass.
How synchronistic to read this post today! I’ve been plodding through my blog role challenging fellow bloggers to take a slightly “activist” stand. THe original Stand was started by Women, but I’ve sent it to all the men on my list as well. I don’t think caring should be limited to a gender!
Feel free to ignore it… or join in.
http://crows-feet.blogspot.com/2008/05/standing-women-website-pledge.html
> I have little of the excited passion…
Is it that we just get busier as we get older (jobs, hobbies, family) or is the old saying of: “you get more right wing as you get older” true?
I find there are somethings that do shake my cosy little world although I’ve never taken to the streets or waved a plackard outside parliament. My cynical nature suggests that those in power do not care, however, I still write terse letters or emails to those who I think should be doing things. I doubt it’ll change the world, but I hope that enough people prod those in power, something may be done.
Funny you brought up age Lynn, since I seem to be experiencing it more itimately these days, but I think that has a good deal to do with it. I would consider becoming right wing at this stage for me to be a clear sign of the onset of dementia! I think as I’ve gotten older, I’ve tended to look deeper into things, to want to know more facts before I jump in. I worked through the entire 70s as an environmental activist for a dozen organizations, as a state lobbyst even for one (all unpaid). It takes passion to be not only informed, but to sustain that level of commitment. In the end I learned a good deal more about the power structure that exists politically and the complexity of intersecting interests. Even politicians who care, can’t possibly work on everything at once. Sometimes the process of helping one cause hurts another.
And any change happens slowly even with aenough politicians helping.
The brashness and hostility which were part of that youthful engery are good things to have lost I think. Shouting insults or FUs doesn’t open dialogue. (though I admit, they can feel great at the time). Its more likely to shut it down. Numbers count in politics, inteligent voices too. And being thoroughly informed.
We go through the label debate in the T community passionately, obsessively, stubbornly , ignorantly and with unnecessary hostility, forgeting our most basic connection as human beings. That commonality is the greatest strength in my opinion. It links all manner of marginalized together in needs. If it were adressed in that manner, it would provide politically noticeable numbers. Somehow, our differences come to symbolize the entirety of our individuality so strongly that we lose sight of the commonality. Its that part of identity politics I have no energy for anymore. At present it seems to occupy the bulk of activism in general.
AS an aside: This will be the last time (hopefully ) I ask, but what lippy would you recommend for Placard bearing occassions?
Glad you returned MIchelle! I agree caring has nothing to do with anything except being a being human. I’ll certainly take a look.
That whole “FU” thing is quite tiring; and yet, all too popular. I think people perceive it as “edgy” and “rebellious”, when it’s just pretentious and lazy. Oh well.
I don’t know about getting right wing as we get older; if anything, I’m more left wing than ever! I just don’t feel the same urgency I did when I was younger. Plus, I’m a heck of a lot more cynical about people. Whenever people tell me they’re behind me on some cause, I fetch a pair of binoculars. It’s the only way I’ll be able to find, er, see them.
Activism requires time, and audacity - and a feeling that change is possible. As we get older, I think we realize that change takes an awful long time, most of the time. (So to speak!) And we become content with changing smaller things. The trick is to encourage the youth, without getting in their way. It’s tricky, and I haven’t come across many that could pull off such a thing.
When I was a union committee member, I thought I could change the world. It didn’t take me long to figure that changing the person I sat next to at the meetings was considerably easier, and much more productive.
Carolyn Ann
Oh - TransEtc Advocacy Organizations? I haven’t come across a single one I’d feel comfortable giving any money to. So many of them claim to be supporting the interests of the transetc community. Not that many of them get the word out, and none of them have success. I don’t count “Lunch appointment with Senator So-and-so’s Aide” to be a success; I count it as a lunch. But some advocacy organizations put that up as their major accomplishment. Heck, I have better sense of accomplishment when I get through the first coffee of the day without spilling any.
Cynically,
Carolyn Ann
Cynicism is a built in component of growing/experience/knowledge I think. Probably a survival instinct as well. Unless you really are someone actually suffering from an organic disorder, it is hard to be made the fool more than a few hundred times. On the other hand there appear to be people who have made long careers out of stupidity and foolishness, so maybe its easier. No actual thinking to learn from mistakes required. I suspect that at least a small portion of people in public view simply have more opportunities to get caught in their foolishness than the rest of us, as well as those who thrive on public displays of their proffiency at foolishness. Now where does Bush fit I wonder?
Money never represents activism to me. Activism at least to me, actually means doing something actively. Money frequently doesn’t empower a cause, just the promoters of the cause (and their expanding lifestyles). I need to see a detailed annual report and I’ll ask for alot of additional figures and information before I’ll even consider such support. Having worked for not-for-profits of several kinds, I know how easily money gets diverted. So I supposed I’m a cynic too.
I’ll donate time first, which considering how little I seem to have to spare, should be more valued by causes as a resource!
Theres a quote(by Aleister Crowley I believe) that I really like (forgive the non-exact paraphrase): I took Faith to bed and held her in my arms at night, but in the morning she was gone.
Thanks for the comments Carolyn Ann.
Does the ‘FU’ thing ever work? There have been a couple of times I’ve seen riots in the UK over various laws sections of the public have hated… to the point where communication halts and all that is left is violence. Sometimes the Powers that Be, fold - sometimes they don’t.
I suppose not being very policital, I don’t move in the circles nor have the knowledge or experience of what it takes to make a groundswell to push people to make a change. I only read about it second hand, diluted into bite size chunks from the news. Is there really the ‘moment’ where someone says ‘enough’ and things start to happen?
> recommend for Placard bearing occassions
Bright pink. Frosted with the spittle of righteous indignation.
Unless it’s a hardcore millitant meeting in which case you’d be stoned to death for selling out to gender stereotypes 
I understand how “FU could be a symbol of rebellion, usually in an extreme situation. A kind of verbal terrorism, as well. But the quality of being “extreme” is often forgottem in the motivation and as a dialogue opener its mostly non productive.
Trouble with most “isms” is the lack of understanding about how long change takes to effect, and confusing the ideological theories for the goal itself adds one more frustration to the mix.
I think each of us has a line for deciding personally, based on personal impacts. Not acting is a valid choice, even if it appears to change nothing. Maybe waiting to act consciously is a better choice at times than jumping in just to shout “FU”.
I am only 22, and I am tired of the ‘political rebellion’ angle in activism.
I am however, still an activist, lobbying for political change. I used to focus more on personal change, but recently the problems have seemed so enormous that chipping away at the base of the mountain with hand tools seemed pointless… we brought in the bulldozers.
Its still going to take a while, but there’s a lot more noise about it.
Hi Ryan!
I think the anger that I felt when I was younger did not always get channeled to a clear purpose often. It took me alot of thinking to understand how to channel my own efforts towards realistio assessments of problems needing change and the ways to go about achieving change. To use your mountain analogy, I found it necessary not only to see the removal I was doing actively, but also the ways I was dumping more onto that mountain myself. It would be nice to have bulldozers. It seems sometimes though that everybody spends too much time in the bulldozers pushing each other around, rather than removing anything from the mountain. The commonality of humanity doestn’t seem to outweigh the differences of individuals. Perhaps I’m naive in thinking it will, insisting it should.
The way our ideas and needs intertwine, overlap, intersect, interact and oppose seems to grow daily more complex. For me that’s a large part of the growing emority of issues.
I look at the CCU (the queer rights organisation Rebecca as a pretty effective bulldozer. We do have issues with ego, especially the longer the organisation exists. We try to minimise the amount of time that we spend fighting over who gets to drive, but it takes a lot of patience and mediation on the part of Gab, our fabulously diplomatic unofficial leader.
I think that the real problems are usually related to personal clashes. For example, I used to be able to work quite well with the socialist wing of our group, however, now I am completely incapable of even looking at the leader of the Socialist Alliance without a vein in my temple threatening to burst.
That of course adversely effects the running of the group… apparently no one that I haven’t told knows, how angry she makes me, the most common comment is ‘But you seem to get along so well!’ but it does mean that I avoid being involved if it will mean its increasing the amount of time I have to spend around her.
The important part with Bulldozers is co-ordination. Of course, people have to give up a bit of their ego for that to happen. The CCU is actually a collaboration of a bunch of different organisations… so we have people who have a focus on lobbying, people who focus on marching, protests, rallies. We’ve got Writers, artists, journalists, political advisers. I think that because we put such a focus on being a *co-operative* of other peoples work, it helps people to not feel like they are ‘boss’ of the movement.
Organisational Behaviour is fascinating, and was my favourite subject at uni… Of course, some members of our collective argue that my focus on management is a *bad* thing (emulating The Man and all). I think its one of the contributing factors to us *getting shit done*. Its all perspective.
*edit*
(should be ‘rebecca and I are involved in’
Hi again, Ryan!
I agree with you on the importance of co-ordination(I find Organizational Behavior fascinating as well). It is the starting point to getting anything done. It does tend to bring up the negative associations of authority as an imposition for some.
I find it disquieting when I recognize that I’m reacting to an individual specifically and not to their actual actions. I can’t usually articulate that reaction beyond it being “instinctual”, and it hampers my ability to work with such people. Being self employed most od my life has given me at least a little experience in assessing my intuitions for accuracy. I’d have to say nearly every project I was initially uncomfortable on because of instinct, turned out being difficult and unsuccessful in the end. Maybe just a case of self-fulfilling prophecy? I turn such projects down now, or recommend someone else.
The umbrella group you mention sounds like a good way to keep the conflict of persona to a minimum. If you find you can’t work with a particular person, it doesn’t necessarily end your ability to contribute on perhaps a different aspect of the collective effort. Co-ordination of effort would be more important I would think. And identifying points of intersection for utilizing the collective skills.
I think the CCU’s advantage, and its purely a chance thing, is that the unofficial ‘leadership’ are two people who have been described as ‘highly strung and conflict adverse’, and two people that are very fiery, but one is about as conservative as the movement gets, and the other is as socialist as the movement gets.
It means that we get a variety of opinion, but the fight never gets too heated cos us ‘highly strung’ types interrupt before that point.
In general, I tend to trust my instincts these days too. I am frequently wrong… but usually I think better of a person than they really are. I have only ever once disliked someone and then come to discover they are awesome.
I hate it when I like someone on a personal level, but find their attitude to political things positively odious. It drives me nuts, particularly if they are as politically active as I am. I am still learning to separate the politics from the person.
[...] “My activist impulses now are generally confined to and satisfied by, the unending task of sorting out and changing of my personal contributions to existing social and environmental problems. The political viability is limited, but to a more accessible certainty, of one me less, one me more. My ability to be proactive is not conditional to the necessity of a specific validating label. There can be strength in numbers, if the numbers actually signify a meaningful collective. Harmony perhaps, not cacophony or echoes.” A Middle Way « herstory: [...]