A Brief Herstory

 

A Brief Herstory is anything but brief. More a life work manifested in dreams, conversations, letters, poetry, journals, sketchbooks, photographs, drawings, paintings and currently digital media.

 

 Ms Emma Matronly Self Portrait      Copyright, 2004

 

The surname used occasionally in these pages is not my own. “Matronly” was the first comment I received from my closest friend when I shared my first acceptable picture of Emma with her. I was at the time trying deliberately to avoid any overt sexuality/weirdness in my presentation of my femininity. I wanted to appear age appropriately feminine, and was excessively sensitive to  being compared either to Tim Curry, Divine, or the characters portrayed in Tootsie and Mrs. Doubtfire. I was fifty years old and only one meaningful person in my life had actually ever met Emma.

The comment both appeased and unsettled me. My personal associations for”matrons” and being “matronly” played in a loop for days inside my head. “The Queen Mother is matronly (read OLD & STUFFY)”! a voice inside bemoaned.  ”And so are Tootsie and Mrs Doubtfire (read CARICATURE) “a deeper voice decreed . In the internal shouting match, I ignored the actual meaning “a dignified married woman” (my intentional goal).  My sensitive and compassionate partner spent time with me looking for potential female role models who were either my age or older… Susan Sarandon, Julianne Moore, Catherine Deneuve and more.  Several hundred images later I finally saw the humor in my own foolishness.

The comment never caused me to doubt my friend’s love or affection. Only the confidence I had in myself.

Though I’ve stopped using this pseudo surname, I’ve reinstated it here as a thank you both to my friend, and to my very patient partner.

Ms Emma Matronly